Friday, February 08, 2019

"Junk"

If you read this blog, you know that I like music. I love it. From the first second I get up, almost to when I go to sleep -- but definitely right when I get up -- I’m listening to music. Maybe one day I would even like to write about music professionally. I’ve never done that but could imagine doing it.

Anyway, point is, I like music, and if you’re reading this blog, you're gonna hear a lot about music and my relationship to it.

So, with that in mind, here is a photo I took today here in Hamburg, Germany. It was a gray, wet day, and the moment I saw this box on the doorstop of an apartment building I was walking past, I thought of the song “Junk” by Paul McCartney. I mean, it was instantaneous. I was like, "That's 'Junk.'" Of course there is the connection with the lyrics, but maybe it also had something to do with the gray day. Enjoy.

The pic:
























The song:



The lyrics:

“Junk”

Motor cars, handle bars
Bicycles for two
Broken hearted jubilee
Parachutes, army boots
Sleeping bags for two
Sentimental jamboree

Buy! Buy!
Says the sign in the shop window
Why? Why?
Says the junk in the yard

Da, da, ya, da, da, da
Da, da, da

Da, da, ya, da, da, da
Da, da, da

Candle sticks, building bricks
Something old and new
Memories for you and me

Thursday, February 07, 2019

Poem: "Funerals"

I said that you attend a lot of funerals
But the subtext was your life is passing you by
And you've died enough for others
Your sister and your mother.
You ain't got no brothers, but a lover 
Who's like smog on your skyline
A chastity belt on your soul.

Poem: "Gemini"

This one is totally different. But it's interesting. Enjoy.

***

They asked me what the title of my biopic would be.
“Gemini,” I replied, and a gasp swept through the gallery.
“Can you justify this name?”
The one who took the lead 
Said to me, as I stood there upright
But struggling inside.

Yes, it's easy, in fact, I can. 
I love and hate each man.
I’m a planner and a mapper,
But live catch-as-catch-can.
I’m a thief and yet I’m Robin Hood,
Crystal clear, misunderstood,
Fire and ice, fire and ice,
Mr. Wrong and Mr. Right.
A Gemini, baby, born in May
And that’s how I’ll stay
Till the day I die.”

When I looked up at the folks around, 
Everybody was looking down,
As if I’d shamed them with my words,
As if they’d never heard such words.
But to me, you see, duality’s fine:
I can walk that line.
And though they demurred initially,
They came to see
That I was right
Because they gave my film the green light. 

Wednesday, February 06, 2019

Angel Standing By

It's funny. When we look back on our lives, some people appear in our consciousnesses as clear as Albert Bierstadt paintings. Some people are fuzzy, like Seurats. Other people, and the dramatic moments we associate them with, appear like Rembrandts.

I want to quickly talk about someone who appears in my memory more like a Seurat -- that is, grainy, not fully clear, but still someone who is there and who made an impression.

Her name was Melissa and she lived on the female side of the dormitory that I lived in during my 2002-2003 year in college. She had long black hair and a nose ring and sort of had a tiny bit of a goth thing going on for herself. I have no idea how we became friends, but we did.

I mention her because I basically remember her for only one thing. And that's where the whole Seurat thing comes into play: she's more just like an impression, but she's there.

Melissa, I remember, had the coolest screen name ever.

Now, you must realize, this was back in the day when people, at least people at my college, communicated principally through a program called AOL Instant Messenger, or AIM, for short. AIM was convenient and practical. We didn't use mobile phones to communicate -- they weren't really around -- we just shot each other messages over a small chat window in the corner of our PC screens.

And Melissa's name was just so killer good. It was "AngelStandingBy" -- and that's "standing by" in the sense of "on call," "ready when needed." I'm sure there had been some arbitrary number at the end of this screen name of hers, but who cares. That was it: AngelStandingBy. Of course, she got the name from a Jewel song -- one of Jewel's best songs, but...

But how killer is that name? And this girl was a really good listener, too, which perhaps adds a little more texture to the story. She really generously lent an ear whenever you needed it.

And there she was, in the dormitory of Fitzgerald Hall in the 2002-2003 school year with that dope screen name: "Angel Standing By."

Emily Dickinson

Do you like podcasts? I do. One that I listen to is called "The Daily Poem." And that's what it is, a daily poem, analyzed by some cool, smart dude.

The poem that was analyzed today was by Emily Dickinson, whose work I love. I thought that the host of the podcast was spot on with his take on Dickinson's poem and the poet herself. He stressed the fact that Dickinson really opens the door to new realms with her writing, so of course one needs to reread her poems many times if one really wants to "get" them.

 Below is the poem that was featured today. It's famous in American literature.
There's a certain Slant of light,
Winter Afternoons –
That oppresses, like the Heft
Of Cathedral Tunes –

Heavenly Hurt, it gives us –
We can find no scar,
But internal difference –
Where the Meanings, are –

None may teach it – Any –
'Tis the seal Despair –
An imperial affliction
Sent us of the Air –

When it comes, the Landscape listens –
Shadows – hold their breath –
When it goes, 'tis like the Distance
On the look of Death –
Even if you don't know anything about this poem, think about that feeling that you get
when you are sitting in a living room and a beam of light comes pouring in through the window, illuminating the dancing particles of dust in the air. That's what "There's a certain Slant of light"  is about -- that and more, but basically that. 

Eating Crow


For some reason I have this thing with crows: they sort of fascinate me. Maybe it has something to do with Poe’s “The Raven," as I always loved that poem. But, honestly, I don’t know what it is . . . crows . . .  I like them.

Anyway, today I had an interesting interaction with a crow. It all started when I was walking through a fielded area and saw a crow standing on the grass up ahead of me.

The moment I saw the bird, the expression "for the birds" jumped into my mind. This probably happened because I had had an apple core, which I had been looking to throw away, in my hand.  (For those of you who don't know, if something is "for the birds," it is, in a sense, garbage. It’s leftover junk that a bird might like to eat.)

So, with this "for the birds" saying in my mind, I was very curious to see if the crow would eat the apple core. Honestly, I didn’t think the bird was going to eat this leftover part of the apple because crows are very skittish. If you so much as make a motion toward them, they usually fly away. I thought that the second I threw the apple core, the crow was going to fly away.

Well, I threw it, and do you want to guess what happened?

The crow didn’t fly away. Instead, he stood right where he was until the core landed, and once it did, he hopped toward it -- and began eating it. I felt very satisfied when I saw that.

And then, even better, right before I was about to go into the U-bahn station, I looked back at the crow and saw that he was still pecking at the apple core.

What can I say, it was for the birds!

Tuesday, February 05, 2019

Faulknerian


Below is an email that I recently got from my aunt. I used to think that her emails were a little crazy, considering that she doesn't really use punctuation and sometimes one thought flows into another without any signpost. Originally, this style of hers had irritated me a bit. But, honestly, after I began reading William Faulkner, I got a whole new appreciation for my aunt's emails. Faulkner very often eschewed the conventions of grammar and style in an effort to capture human thought in a more authentic kind of way.

Now, I don't think my aunt likes Faulkner or is writing like how some of his novels read on purpose, but, honestly, I definitely now think of her more wild emails as poem-like, Faulknerian dispatches.

In the email below, she's talking about sports and then the Super Bowl and how the New England Patriots recently won another championship. She concludes the email by totally botching the spelling of my dog's name.

Still, you must admit, the email's got heart, and in the end that's why I love it. And her, really.

Years ago. Once I'n a while
I even went years ago to hockey
Game. I just can't get over six wins
Lisa told me that his wife I's worth
Over three
Million. Top model from brazil
I just dabble I'n everything
Sports  vintage cars animals
Etc. I like music from Bruno mar to
Light opera and country.etc
Are you still playing the guitar
Grandma played some piano
love. Did you talk to your mom?
Hugs to you and Fiolo. Lv me

Sunday, February 03, 2019

In Another Country


When you live in another country, where another language is spoken, words can be a funny thing.

For example, when I got a dog here, I learned the command “Auf dein Platz.” "Auf dein Platz" is what you tell the dog when you want him to go to his little mat in the corner where he sleeps. You might command the dog to do this because you want him out of your way or because he has been bad, etc.

But the thing is, one day someone asked me, “What’s 'Auf dein Platz' in English?" And ya know, I didn’t know. I had never had a dog before moving to Germany, so I never had to use that kind of vocabulary, and didn't.

Words can be a funny thing when you live in another country.

But we're not done, not just yet. One last thing, and it also concerns dogs. For the longest time, I had heard people at the dog parks and dog runs talking about “Richbacks,” these big, brown and gold dogs, and I had thought nothing of it. "Look," I had sometimes thought to myself, "there goes a 'Richback.' What a nice dog."

But then one day I looked this dog up online, and when I did, Google asked me, "Did you mean 'Ridgeback'?" Apparently I did because the name of the breed is Ridgeback. However, the way Germans pronounce it, it sounds like “rich.” Funny, right?

Saturday, February 02, 2019

Understanding


A couple weeks ago someone said something to me and I thought it was very moving.

The person was a woman I teach English to. This woman comes from Russia, and you should know that she dresses in a very exclusive and extravagant way. I’m talking about multicoloured vests, colorful Louis Vuitton bags, Fuchsia lipstick, Cartier watch.

If anything, I kind of liked this flamboyance of hers, as I sometimes feel that Germans can be too subdued, too unostentatious.

Anyway, I had been chatting with her about something -- I think it was something about politics -- when she said, “You know that’s why I like luxurious things, right?” When she said that I was a little lost. “What?" I asked, "What exactly do you mean, 'That's why I like luxurious things'?" and then she clarified. “We Russians," she said, "like luxurious things because it was so gray in Russia; it had been so gray.”

When she said this, she looked at me, and the sincerity in her eyes exactly matched the sincerity of her words.

I felt I understood her a little better as a person after that.

Poem: "You did me dirty"

You did me dirty 
Then you ran 
And left me holding the bag
After you robbed the safe 
You pointed my way 
When the cops came 
As if we didn't arrive in the same car
Or steal from the same jar. 

Poem: "When I shined a flashlight into my memory"

I wrote this poem last night. I had had the image of a person using a flashlight to look through his memory, and then, boom: poem. Enjoy.

When I shined a flashlight into my memory
What did I find?
Bits of conversation left behind 
Warning signs and orange rinds 
Stalagmites from the ceiling sharp
An angel’s harp
And turpentine 
An easel with no painting on
A life that only just begun
Boxes high and boxes stacked
Of letters that had been sent back
Stagnant pools and leaky roofs
And rocking chairs in splinters now
Is what I found 
With my little light. 

Thursday, January 31, 2019

Chess Club


So today I finally went to a chess club meeting in Hamburg, and it was really cool.

When I first got there -- it was at a community center kinda place -- I felt a little awkward, because one of the club members told me that the people I saw sitting at the chessboards were “league” chess players, which means, I think, that they were rated. I had thought that the whole thing was going to be just very casual. Still, I felt a little better after this club member told me that non-league players can also play on Thursdays, and they usually do in the kitchen, which was off to the side of the room.

Well, after a few minutes of watching the “league” players play, which was kinda boring because they play pretty slow, I went into the kitchen. There, a boy, about 10, and an older man were playing. They greeted me nicely and I just watched them play for a while.

Things began to get fun, at least for me, when a man around 50 years old walked into the kitchen and set up a chessboard in front of me. He asked me if I wanted to play and I said yes.

After introducing myself -- I feel as though this is very important before playing a game of chess with a stranger -- we began.

He had the white pieces and played the Queen’s Gambit. For those of you who don’t know much about chess, a person who plays the Queen’s Gambit opening seeks to attain space in the center of the board and to bring several of his pieces into attacking position.

I played something called the Queen’s Gambit Declined. When Black plays the Queen’s Gambit Declined, he is effectively saying to White, “OK, I respect that you are playing something aggressive against me. I’m not going to try to match your aggressiveness, but you are going to have to work for your win." This being because the Queen's Gambit Declined is quite sound.

Anyway, let me speed this up: I won the game. But I was really proud of how I won. I basically let my opponent hang himself. What happened was, he kept on making these aggressive moves that really didn’t have too much of a point, and if you do that in the Queen’s Gambit, eventually Black’s pieces will have a better set up and will be in a better position to attack.

Anyway, after making several of these nonsensical moves, my opponent blundered and I was up two pawns. But what was cool was that by this point there was no way he could really win because (a) the position was pretty much equal, (b) he had no prospects and (c) I was simply two pawns ahead. The noose just kept getting tighter.

Yet, he kept on attacking. But really, by this point, I simply viewed the game as a war of attrition. And he must have known all was lost, too, because after I forced him to trade his queen, he resigned.

After the game was over I realized I really had not made one offensive move. Basically, every single move I had made was a defensive one -- but I still won.

I thought that that was damn cool.

Poem: "In the cafe there's music"

In the cafe there’s music
And the singer’s singing in French
But something isn’t right.

Inside the cafe there’s warmth
And candles lit
On every table candles lit
But something isn’t right.

Inside the cafe there’s peace
A respite from the street
Like an oasis, even
But something’s just not right.

It’s not right like a table leg that’s too short
Or a body out of stasis
Or the weightlessness of space
Or a crowd of strangers’ faces.

In the cafe there’s music
And the singer’s Alizée
But something’s not OK, OK?
Something’s not OK.

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Poem: "Morning"

The other day, I published a poem on this blog that I thought was aggressive. The poem below is on the other end of the spectrum, peaceful and contemplative. Enjoy.

***

The sky cracked open
And fire dripped out
And before anyone knew it
The horizon was a molten trail over the houses.

In the subways, sanitation workers with brooms and dustpans cleaned corners

And bakers were already on their second cup of coffee
And train operators— well, who knows what they were doing.

The sky cracked open and before anyone knew it, birds were chasing each other up above and everything was awash in that surreal shade of sapphire blue


And before anyone knew it, it was morning.

Half of What I Say Is Meaningless


My mom and I have a strange relationship.

I mean, some of it is normal, but there are some things that make it, well, unique.

For example, sometimes I feel as though my mom is in competition with me.

I guess it makes sense, though. I mean, we both are into English and writing, and sometimes people with the same interests do try to outwit, or test, each other.

But my mom sometimes seems a bit offended if I know something she doesn't.

Still, one thing she has always given me credit for is my creativity. For some reason, she doesn’t think she is creative. I really don’t know why; she is in some ways. But she just thinks I’m the one with the creative spark.

One thing I like about this dynamic is that often when my mom and I are talking about things related to creativity, she just defers to me and just wants to hear what I think.

One such time was when I was around 16 years old. I had brought the Beatles song “Julia” to her attention, and after having listened to it several times, she really liked it.

But she mostly liked the melody. I had told her that John Lennon wrote the song for his mother, who died prematurely. My mom said, indeed, she understood that the tune was meant to be somber.

But then we started talking about the lyrics. The lyrics to "Julia" are a little dreamy. Understandably, my mom said that she didn’t really understand all the lyrics. But the thing was, for me, the lyrics to "Julia" were always clear. Even though they aren’t that clear literally, they always had a very specific meaning to me.

And so I remember, I had begun telling my mom what I thought the lyrics meant: “Yeah, so when John Lennon says, ‘Half of what I say is meaningless,’ I think it means that no matter what he sings  he can’t bring his mom back...and then that one other part, where he says, ‘Julia,  seashell eyes, windy smile,’ well, I think that means that he sees his mother now in nature, that he feels her essence and sees her in ethereal things. But, I mean, I don’t know...”

And then right there, at that moment, when I was about to let the whole thing drop, my mom said, “No, no -- keep going. Tell me more about what you think.”

And her saying that made all the difference.

Aggressive

I have to admit that I was in a little bit of an aggressive mood when I wrote the following poem. I don't know...maybe this poem comes from this mood, maybe it comes from my recently having reread "The Catcher in the Rye" or maybe it's other things in my life. But this poem is a bit aggressive and certainly makes a specific point. Just so you know, I wrote the piece on the subway right after I saw on my phone that another celebrity had written a childrens book. Viewer discretion is advised.

"It seems like every other idiot writes a childrens book"

It seems like every other idiot writes a childrens book.

Like this fucking jerk-off has wisdom to impart.
It seems like every other idiot makes a cute kiddy book.
Adults were never that smart.

Adults desire, want, need and crave

And do not behave.
Perhaps they have a braincell more or two
But can’t tell you what to do.
Adults have no wisdom 'cause they don’t know themselves

So just put it on a fucking shelf.


Spare your words and pictures

Your moral tales cute  
Your talking bears and lions scared
Your bird that cannot sing

Go get yourself some help, you hear

Go on now, hit the road
And take your pearls of wisdom
And shove them in the trash.

Tuesday, January 29, 2019

"Dream Variations"

Sometimes when I’m in a bookstore and I'm looking at books, there comes a moment when I feel as though I must own the particular book in my hands.

It’s like a magic synapse happens, and I just think, “Yes. I need this book. This is going to enrich my life.”

Below is the poem that I was actually reading the moment I decided I would buy “The Zoo of the New,” a Penguin anthology of poems that, according to its editors, “surprise, delight and thrill."

Enjoy.

***

"Dream Variations"
By Langston Hughes

 To fling my arms wide
In some place of the sun,
To whirl and to dance
Till the white day is done.
Then rest at cool evening
Beneath a tall tree
While night comes on gently,
    Dark like me—
That is my dream!

To fling my arms wide
In the face of the sun,
Dance!  Whirl!  Whirl!
Till the quick day is done.
Rest at pale evening . . .
A tall, slim tree . . .
Night coming tenderly
    Black like me.

Sunday, January 27, 2019

We Saw Brilliance...


You know, one thing I love about music is the way it can remind me of things.

Let me explain. There are some lines in songs that make me think of very specific times and situations.

For example, whenever I hear the very first lines of the Elliott Smith song "Everything Reminds Me of Her" -- “I never really had a problem because of leaving/But everything reminds me of her this evening" -- I’m transported back to a house party that I attended at my college one Friday night in the fall of 2002.

This party, I remember, was hopping, and I was actually having a pretty good time, but then my ex-girlfriend Keri showed up with a guy she had been dating before she met me, and seeing her with him again was so surreal and disturbing that I had to leave.

I never really had a problem because of leaving/But everything reminds me of her this evening.

I really love the line. It's so evocative for me. Every time I hear it -- boom -- that night, that situation.

Another piece of song text that really stands out and absolutely touches me is from Linkin Park.

The line comes from the band's 2017 song “One More Light,” which is about the tragedy of losing a person you love and how your loved one might just be one person to the world, but the world to you.

Anyway, there’s this line in the first verse, and it's great. Thinking back to times shared with the person who is now gone, Chester Bennington says that he and this person “saw brilliance when the world was asleep.”

I absolutely love this line. I love it because it makes me think of my old friend Andrew. Andrew was my best friend for about 15 years. He and I did so many crazy things together and had some of the most incredible laughs together. I really feel that he was my male soulmate. Anyway, this line from "One More Light" reminds me of one Saturday morning spent with Andrew in the summer of 1995.

What happened was, Andrew had slept over my house and had brought with him this, like, scary plastic mask. It was, like, a translucent clown mask -- a really creepy looking thing -- and we did something so crazy with it.

But before I tell you what, just know Andrew and I had stayed up all night that night. Don’t ask me what we did, but we stayed up all night. And then when it was about 6:30 or 7 a.m., we still weren't done.

What we did, actually, instead of going to sleep, was we took turns scaring passersby with the mask. Every time someone would walk by down below on the street, either Andrew or I would wear the mask and stick our head out the window of my room and scream, "Rah!" After the people would look up, Andrew or I would let the person get a good look at the awful mask and then duck back into my room. And laugh. And laugh and laugh.

Just the idea of someone jogging by or walking along on a nice summer morning and all of a sudden seeing someone in a clown mask sticking his head out the window going "Rah!" -- it was too much! Oh my God did we laugh.

But to tie it back to the Linkin Park line, “We saw brilliance when the world was asleep.” Well, mostly everyone on that Saturday morning was still sleeping -- it was, after all, super early. But Andrew and I were defying sleep and just having so much fun. We were in a sense seeing brilliance: the joy of boyhood. So the line makes sense: "We saw brilliance when the world was asleep."

 God, I love music.



Friday, January 25, 2019

"Simple Gifts"


You know, there’s this one line I like from a song: “When true simplicity is gained.” I’ve never known exactly what it means, but I think it's commenting on the relationship between "truth" and "simplicity." Usually when there is one, there is the other. There is something so simple about the truth, and there is also something very truthful about simplicity. Whatever the case, I like this line.

Enter a conversation I was having with one of my friends the other day. Over text she was telling me about her dating life and what it was like. I have known this girl for a pretty long time, and she doesn’t always offer very personal details. However, I was being quite open with her, and I feel as though this prompted her to be so with me. Still, at one point I don’t think she realized how honest and vulnerable she was being -- how true -- and I found what she said so satisfying and beautiful.

Here is what she said:
Yeah I am not so hot on marriage myself. All of my friends are all married now and most have kids. I am also seeing a lot of people around the same age starting to go through divorces. I struggle with the same things you're articulating. Like this guy I see -- we're not in love and I want someone to love me. 
That last line, "We're not in love and..."

When true, simplicity is gained.

Thursday, January 24, 2019

Rhapsody

Here is an email I wrote to my friend Kaivan this morning. We had been talking about Freddie Mercury and Queen. Kaivan always liked Queen, and the recent movie made me more interested in the band. I just thought what I wrote to Kaivan was interesting, nothing more, nothing less.
I saw "Bohemian Rhapsody" too and really appreciated it -- with a grain of salt of course. The main guy was off the charts, but I also thought the guy who played Brian May was killer good. 
I really think Freddie Mercury had the perfect amount of feminine energy as a rock star. He was masculine and feminine and just great.
Ugh, and that scene where he told his girl to turn on her light, to signal with it, and then he did his...so poignant.

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

Rush Hour


So let’s say there is a guy, and this guy’s name is X. Let’s just make it up: his name’s X. And X is having a stressful morning: one of those mornings where everything feels heavier and louder and where things that are unimportant seem obnoxiously and dangerously important.

And X is on the bus, and it’s crowded. And people are making big fusses when they’re having difficulties finding a spot to stand or trouble disembarking. And X just hears these people’s sighs and their tongue clicks of discontent more loudly. In a word: everything to X simply seems so more pained, more intense.

And when he gets to the train station to take the train to work, things are not better. As the train pulls up, all the people on the platform just box each other out in front of the train doors that are about to open, and there seems to be a dearth of sympathy in the air. And the announcements are grating.

Are you imaging X? OK, so now let’s suppose that after X gets on the train, a very crowded train, he doesn’t sit down but stands, holding on to a pole, and when the doors of the train finally close, he leans his forehead against that pole. The train is packed and there are other people holding on to this very same pole, but X has managed to find a free spot to rest his forehead. And the metal of the pole is cold. Nevertheless, X closes his eyes and there, among all the people and their chattering and their silence and the noise of the train, he recites an Emily Dickinson poem to himself, eyes closed.

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

And he likes this poem so much -- this prayer, almost -- that he recites it to himself one or two more times after he has disembarked the train and is walking the few blocks he must go to get to work.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Geeky Stuff


Solved!

For the longest time I had not known if the first letter of a sentence fragment after an ellipsis was capitalized or not. Today I got the answer.

Story: I was reading "Catcher in the Rye" and there it was, in chapter 24. Holden is talking with a former teacher of his, Mr. Antolini, in Mr. Antolini's aparmtment, and Mr. Antolini makes some kind of a joke about his wife's friends. It's not a funny joke; I didn't even get it, but it answered my capitalization question. Check it out:

"Excuse the appearance of the place," he said. "We've been entertaining some Buffalo friends of Mrs. Antolini's . . . Some buffaloes, as a matter of fact."

Boom. There it was. The word "some" starts with a capital letter and that is a sentence fragrant right, there, sir.

I can die happy now!

Saturday, January 12, 2019

Last Class

So yesterday I had a last class with one my students, and it was nice. It was nice wrapping things up and reviewing the progress she had made. For our final lesson, she and I went over verb tenses. Germans usually have difficulty with our many verb tenses, so I thought it would be a good final lesson.

The exercise we did went like this: I would write down a sentence in German, and she would have to tell me exactly what that sentence would be in English. Once her answer was 100 percent correct, I would allow her to write the sentence down, in English, under where I had written the corresponding sentence in German.

During the exercise, I told her that I wanted to take a pic of the scrap papers we were working on, for my notes. However, after we had finished up the exercise, I no longer wanted to do that, for some reason. I was just going to let it slip, actually. But as I was getting up to leave, she said, “Wait -- didn’t you want to take pictures of the papers?” I decided to stay with my original plan, and I'm glad I did, as there's definitely value in these papers, especially if you're trying to learn English or German.





Wednesday, January 09, 2019

Poem: "Nineteen Years Later"

When I was in high school, I used to have a friend name Nina, Nina Deppe. Anyway, I'm not sure what happened to her, but recently she popped into my head, or rather a scene from a day we had once spent together did. I decided to write a poem about this scene. The poem is sort of a free verse kind of thing. Enjoy.

Nineteen years ago, we sat with each other near my bookcase in my room and spoke about whether God existed. 

As proof of God, you offered this: "That feeling that you get when you do something nice for someone." 


You were adamant that this feeling was a form of proof that God existed. You were so adamant, in fact, that you drew a line under your point with a rhetorical question: "If God doesn't exist, what's that feeling, then?"


I just laughed you under the table. I was 17 years old at the time and just laughed you under the table. 


"Oh my god," I had said. "You think that that good feeling that you get after doing something nice for someone is proof that God exists? Are you kidding me? That's not proof God exists." 


You just shook your head at me. My words seemed not to shake your belief about this feeling or your faith in general.


Nineteen years later, I'm writing to tell you, Nina, that I now understand what you were talking about.


Saturday, January 05, 2019

Poem: "I asked you who you were"

Here's a pretty cool poem I wrote today. It's got a personal meaning for me, but it's also just a lot of fun and a bit wacky. Enjoy.

I asked you who you were

What a fucking question 
What a fucking night
Everything was wrong. 

The song was out of tune 

The reverend wore no collar 
The cat was bathing in the tub, 
With Franklin on the dollar. 

The jumbo jets grew legs

And flowers bloomed on Mars 
And babies went back in the womb
And Persian rugs back on the loom. 

Everything was fucked, all right: 

The ground was in the sky
The night I asked you who you were
And you could not reply.

Kaivan

Sometimes people say or write things and they don't realize how profound they're being or just how beautifully their words come across. I thought this recently when I received a New Year's message from my old friend Kaivan.

Kaivan and I have been friends for about 25 years, ever since the 6th grade. But we were always a little strange, a little interesting. For example, one of my earliest memories from our friendship is our renting the movie version of Poe's "The Pit and the Pendulum" and watching it together in his mom's living room, and falling asleep to it. But "The Pit and the Pendulum"? In the 6th grade? Wow.

Kaivan is also the person who convinced me to read "1984" when he saw a dusty copy of the book on my mom's bookshelf. "It'll expand your imagination," he had said at the time. Before he made his recommendation, though, the only thing I had known of 1984 was that it was a year a few years after my birth.

Kaivan and I have remained in contact all these years, and he's still that interesting, zany, unpredictable, deep and mysterious character I always thought of him as.

Anyway, on New Year's this year, I wrote him Happy New Year, and I wished him happy birthday, because his birthday is also on New Year's. When he wrote back, it was with something that was very profound, I felt. His message was almost a little haiku:

Thanks, Chad!
Wow 37... geez.
Hope you had a great and happy new year!
We are lucky to be here. :) 

You gotta love it.

Happy New Year, everybody.


Wednesday, January 02, 2019

bzw. (part II)

On this blog I sometimes talk about the difficulties I have learning German. In one blogpost from a few months ago, I spoke of a German word that bedeviled me for years. The word was "beziehungsweise," which is pronounced beh-TZEE-ungs-vahy-zuh and is usually abbreviated in print as "bzw."

All "beziehungsweise" really means is "or rather." Not that crazy in and of itself, but Germans use it all the time in normal conversation. So it would be totally normal for a German person to say, "Ich mag Eis bzw. ich mag verschiedene Eissorten": "I like ice-cream, or rather certain flavors of ice-cream."

Why am I telling you all this...again? Well, today I found a great example of the English equivalent of "beziehungsweise," proof, really, that we actually do use it. I found the example in a 1986 interview with the late writer Primo Levy. Answering a question, Levy begins,  “My model (or, if you prefer, my style) was that of…”

Yup, totally "bzw." territory right there.

Monday, December 31, 2018

Something to Say

There's nothing that annoys me more than when a writer has nothing to say.

I'm thinking particularly about songwriters here. One can tell when a writer is bursting with things to say and just happens to be writing a song or when he's bursting to write a song and just happens to be saying something.

And no part of a song reflects whether a writer actually has something to say better than the bridge.

If a writer's words are vapid, it will be even all the more obvious in the bridge. On the other hand, of course, if a writer does have lyrics with substance, we will usually be treated to a good bridge, where we will then learn another part of the "story," get an additional and vital piece of it.

I don't think it would be very nice to give an example of an artist who doesn't have much to say in a song. Instead, I'll just give you an example of a fantastic bridge.

In Link Park's "Somewhere I Belong," Mike Shinoda and Chester alternate singing parts, with Shinoda singing the main part of the verses.  Chester sings the chorus. But look at the bridge, which Chester also sings. Look how good the bridge of this song is, how much it adds to the story.

Below, I'm going to use colors to help you identify the parts of the song. After reading the lyrics, have a close look at the text in green; that's the bridge. Enjoy.

"Somewhere I Belong"

When this began,
I had nothing to say 
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me (I was confused)
And I let it all out to find that I'm not the only person with these things in mind (inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I got left to feel (nothing to lose)
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own,
And the fault is my own
I want to heal, I want to feel,
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long (erase all the pain 'til it's gone)
I want to heal, I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face (I was confused) 
Looking everywhere only to find that it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind (so what am I?)
What do I have but negativity?
'Cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me (nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own,
And the fault is my own
I want to heal, I want to feel,
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long (erase all the pain 'till it's gone)
I want to heal, I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel,
Anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be
Anything 'til I break away from me
And I will break away, and find myself today
I want to heal, I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long (erase all the pain til it's gone)
I want to heal, I want to feel,
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
I want to heal I want to feel like I'm,
Somewhere I belong,
I want to heal I want to feel like I'm somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong

Saturday, December 29, 2018

A Little Light

Today something happened that brought some light into my day.

I was walking my dog near the Alster, this beautiful lake right in the center of Hamburg, and had decided to take a break at a bench.

While I was sitting there, my dog went over to the shore, got a stick and brought it back. She wanted me to play fetch with her, but I didn’t want to do that.

All I wanted to do was just sit there for a moment and take in the scene: the mallard ducks bobbing on the water and the seagulls flying above.

After a few minutes, though, I started to feel ennui. I think this was because I realized then and there that I didn’t really have any plans for the day.

So there I was just sitting on the bench, zoning out and feeling slightly blue, when a group of people walked up alongside me. They were a jovial bunch and had wanted to take a picture in front of the Alster. There must have been, like, seven or eight people in this group, but what jumped out to me was that a few of them were speaking what sounded like American English.

After they took a few pictures, one of the members of the group, the guy who had taken the picture of all the others, asked me in German if I could take a picture of the entire group, himself included.

I said sure, answering in German. He then joined the others and I stepped back with his iPhone in my hand to take the picture. I noticed, though, that these people seemed to be having a lot of fun as they were getting ready to take the picture. So I started clandestinely snapping away with the camera. (I had once seen a professional photographer do this in a group-photo situation and had thought that the idea was brilliant.)

I was already pleased with the secret pictures I had taken of the people, but of course wanted to give them the kind of photo they had asked for, and maybe a little more, so when they finally were ready to take the picture, I said, in perfect English, “OK, guys, ready? Say cheese!"

By revealing in that very moment that I wasn't a native German, I was trying to spice things up, get these people a little excited, which I thought might lead to a better picture, and it did.

But then the magic really happened. My dog, which up until that point had been playing with her stick by the water, walked into the frame, dropped the stick, stood perfectly erect alongside these people and looked straight into the camera, almost as if she were posing along with them. I mean, the way it all looked...it could have been a commercial...it was that perfect.

While I was taking the last shots, I couldn't help but start laughing. I told these nice people that I hoped they liked my dog because she was now featured conspicuously in several of their photos. We all laughed at that.

As I was getting ready to go, one of the group members asked me where I was from. I told him, and then we all had a nice, small chat. (It turned out that those accents were actually Canadian.) But the real cool thing was was that after I had finally taken my leave from these people, I noticed that I was in a much better mood than I had been before they came along. What I really felt was light. Like, "turn on the light" light. I felt that this group of very happy people and the interaction I had had with them had brought a little light into my day.

So there you have it.


Friday, December 28, 2018

Book Review: "Hitler's Collaborators"


Here is a book review of mine of Philip Morgan's "Hitler's Collaborators: Choosing Between Bad and Worse in Nazi-Occupied Western Europe." Originally, the piece was supposed to be published on aish.com, but at the last moment, that deal fell through. I'm proud of this review and hope you enjoy it. 

*******

By Chad Smith

In the preface to “Hitler’s Collaborators: Choosing Between Bad and Worse in Nazi Occupied Western Europe,” the author of the book, Philip Morgan, senior fellow at the University of Hull, says that when he was teaching the course on which the book is based, his students never “got,” or understood, the officials of the occupied countries who collaborated with the Nazis.

The students, Hull writes, were only able to think in black and white: either one was a servant of evil -- that is, a follower of the Nazis -- or one was a "good guy" and was against them. But the truth was far more complex, and in service of that truth, Morgan says, he wrote "Hitler's Collaborators."

But make no mistake; the book he has written is not easy. It is a dense, nearly forensic examination of political collaboration and wartime economy.  Still, what keeps the reader turning pages is the unparalleled account Morgan gives of the civil servants, both noble and morally corrupt, who tried to keep their countries together under the ruthless demands of the occupying power.

In order to better understand why the countries examined in this book -- Belgium, the Netherlands, Norway, France and Denmark -- collaborated with the Nazis, we must first become familiar with the circumstances that the countries found themselves in at the time.

When the Nazis invaded Western Europe in 1940, they threw the power structures of the countries they occupied into disarray. Because most of the governments of the invaded countries had gone into exile during the blitzkrieg, nearly overnight the responsibility of making sure that these countries continued to function fell on the shoulders of the countries’ secretaries general, magistrates, economic ministers, police commissioners and other officials who had been ordered to stay behind.

The Nazis, for their part, didn’t actually want to rule the invaded countries directly, as this would have slowed them down in their efforts to achieve more “important” goals of the Reich. Instead, the Nazis wanted to work through the officials of the occupied countries to achieve order, leverage the countries’ resources in service of the war effort and root out their enemies, namely Jews and communists.

Still, it’s important to mention, as Morgan does, that none of the occupied countries of Western Europe wanted to collaborate with the Nazis.

France, which wound up being the Western European country that collaborated with the Nazis in the most notorious way, actually fought the hardest against them during the Blitz; Belgium still felt ill will toward Germany from WWI; the Netherlands had a population that very much supported the country’s Jewish community and even held a major protest for it; Norway’s minority fascist party, which was propped up by the Nazis, was so unpopular it was never seen as legitimate; and Denmark had long prized its democratic principles.

Nevertheless, the pervading belief among the occupied countries after capitulation was that they were cornered. Some, like Belgium, Morgan writes, even believed that if they didn’t cooperate, they could be “wiped off the map.” At very least, the officials in the countries thought that it was better to have some hand in the governing process rather than none, and they certainly didn’t want to empower the minority fascist parties in their countries by resigning.

So they collaborated, and the main thrust of that collaboration, at least at first, was economic. The occupied countries agreed to work with the Nazis on large-scale public works projects, undertakings that would get the citizens of the occupied countries back to work. After all, the countries of Western Europe hadn’t fully recovered from the effects of the Great Depression, and both the Nazis and the officials had a shared interest in ending rampant unemployment.

However, as time went on, more and more of economic collaboration went to servicing the German war effort. Though the companies in the occupied countries did not do such work gladly, they ultimately took on projects and engaged in practices that were highly dubious.

For example, Morgan writes, vehicle makers in the occupied lands wouldn’t make armored cars or tanks for the Germans, but they would make military ambulances. Ship builders wouldn’t make destroyers, but they did agree to repair German U-boats and other fighting vessels. Some companies in the occupied lands would refuse to fulfill certain orders if they came from the German military, but, absurdly, would accept the very same orders if they came from a German civilian outfit. As for the manufacturing of weapons components, the practice in the occupied lands was “generally justified on the grounds that finished weapons were being assembled elsewhere.”

And yet, as eye-opening as the rundowns that Morgan gives of the shady dealings that the businesses in the occupied lands had with the Nazis, even more illuminating are the accounts he provides of the occupied countries’ civil servants, as their stories give us the most insight into why the countries collaborated and what their deepest motives were.

For example, around the middle of the book, we are introduced to a man named Alexandre Galopin. At the time of the occupation, Galopin was the head of Belgium’s most important business concern, Société Générale, and was one of the top officials who stayed behind to help run the country after the Belgian government went into exile.

Galopin, it’s important to know, did not like the Nazis; however, he knew that if Belgium didn’t do business with them, it would spell disaster, as the Belgian people’s refusal to work for the Germans when the Germans occupied Belgium during the First World War had resulted in the utter devastation of the Belgian economy.

And so after we, the reader, learn about Galopin’s dilemma and then see how relieved he is when the Belgian government in exile, after much hand wringing, gives him the green light to begin economic collaboration with the Germans, we begin to understand how desperate the situation must have been for Belgium and why it might have acted as it did.

And then there’s the case of Max Hirschfield, who was the Dutch secretary general of the Netherlands’ economic ministries -- and was Jewish. Surely his story adds nuance to our understanding of “collaboration.”

In August 1940, a top Reich official in the Netherlands said he wanted all Jews fired from public service. When Hirschfield and the other secretaries general met to discuss this demand, the majority of them wanted not only to reject it, but also to renege on an agreement they had made only a few days prior with the Germans to stop appointing Jews to civil service posts.

However, the person who stepped in and persuaded the rest of the secretaries general to adopt maybe a more “measured” response was Hirschfield, the Jew. He said that if the secretaries general rejected this demand of the Germans’, it would surely throw all of collaboration into jeopardy. Besides, Hirschfield argued, if the secretaries general refused, the Germans would simply dismiss them or force them to resign and that would just result in “general chaos in all areas.” Much better of an idea, Hirschfeld thought, would be to stay in place, because in office the men “could still exercise some power and protect individual targets of the purge by requesting exemptions.” His idea was that if collaborating officials could not avert disaster, “they could draw things back to not being a complete disaster.” 

In the end, the other secretaries general were persuaded by Hirschfield and felt he really had the Dutch people’s best interest in mind, so they gave the Nazis what they wanted and dismissed all Jews from public service, but let it be known in writing that doing so was “repugnant” to them “as Dutchmen.”

*

After learning so much about such officials and their ordeals, one is certainly a little more sympathetic toward them. The same, however, cannot be said for the officials of the Vichy government in France.

The Vichy government, which formed around the former World War I hero Philippe Pétain after much of the French government of the Third Republic fled to England, was different from other occupied countries’ governments in that it cooperated more willingly and more treacherously with the Germans.

Whereas other occupied countries more or less sought only to survive the war, Vichy’s goal was to restore France to its former glory and to secure a spot for itself in Germany’s “New World Order” after the war was over. To try and expedite the achievement of these “goals,” many of Vichy France’s officials made unscrupulous decisions, chief among them treating their Jewish population, or rather, the Jews who had been living in France but were stateless or had only recently become French citizens, as pawns. After all, Jews were something the Nazis “wanted,” and Vichy had them.

So, with all that in mind, when we read how a top Vichy police official named René Bousque happily agreed to help the Nazis round up and deport 52,000 Jews, 10,000 of whom were living in territory in France that Vichy didn’t even control, that had actually been controlled by the Nazis, we know that Bousque’s actions weren’t some aberration, but a calculated move to increase the power of Vichy’s police force and to “extend and exercise Vichy’s sovereignty in France.”

*

Ironically, very few concessions that the collaborating officials made to the Nazis ever bore much fruit for them or their countries. In fact, the Nazis usually acted just as unilaterally and ruthlessly after their demands were met.  Plus, in the last years of the war, the Nazis “repaid” the collaborating countries by forcing hundreds of thousands of their citizens to work in Germany for the war effort. So much for a partnership.

As for describing the reckoning that occurred in the collaborating countries after the war was finally over, Morgan does a good, but imperfect, job. At issue are the figures he provides to us about justice in the wake of collaboration: it’s hard to tell which figures are the most relevant. Should we focus, for instance, on the number of people prosecuted for their involvement in collaboration (thousands upon thousands), the number of people who were investigated for their possible roles in collaboration (hundreds of thousands), the number of people who lost their civic rights, like the right to vote or their retirement funds, due to their wartime activity?

One figure that does help shed light on what the punishment situation was like on the ground at war’s end was this one: After the Allied victory, 10,000 people in France were said to have been lynched by their fellow Frenchmen for having supported the Nazis or the Vichy regime. Another helpful figure was one that relates to the number of prison terms that the post-war purge commissions handed out to wartime collaborators.

Using statics compiled by the late historian Peter Novick, Morgan tells us, for example, that immediately after World War II in Norway, 19,623 people went to prison for their role in collaboration; in the Netherlands, 38,631 people did time; in Belgium that number was 49,700; in Denmark, 15,128; and in France, 37,280. Though these may look like significant numbers, the number of collaborators punished in each country after the war never exceeded 1 percent of the given country’s population.

As for who was punished and on what exact criteria, only high-ranking officials, more or less, received severe sentences. As a tidy illustration of this fact, Morgan tells us that after the war, the “Dutch rank-and-file policemen who had actually knocked on the doors of Jewish families to arrest them were not held responsible for their actions and were not investigated ... Their officers, however, were.” As for official executions, the Vichy military police, or Milice, didn’t fair well, and only the top officials who rolled out the red carpet for the Nazis, like Pierre Laval, the one-time prime minister of Vichy France, and Vidkun Quisling, a military leader in Norway, faced the firing squad.

According to Morgan, more people probably should have been punished, but he also explains that after the war the collaborating countries had been in shambles and, though it sounds awful in hindsight, it just wasn’t “practical” to punish everyone. By way of example, Morgan cites the case of SNCF, France’s state railway, which helped transport thousands of Jews to their deaths. Of the 500,000 employees who had worked for the company during World War II, only about 1 percent of them were punished after the war, a slim number that, Morgan says, can probably be attributed to the fact that there had been a serious need “to get the railway’s operating system going again.”

And, yet, even though countless people probably went unpunished, the truth is a complicated thing. Surely there were also vast numbers of people in the collaborating countries who detested the Nazis or who helped Jews in ways that may never have even been registered. And surely for some collaborators -- not all, but some -- we might find it in our hearts to think on the old saying “The road to hell is paved with good intentions” when we ponder their actions.

What’s more difficult, though, is finding sympathy for people who were not able to own up to their wartime behavior or just tried to hide it. After all, once a clear victor had been determined, it was easy to say that you had been part of the resistance, and many collaborating officials “remembered” events quite differently when they were on trial or writing their memoires.

Such untruths and falsehoods, such fabricated stories, of course, do serve a purpose and have their place, which Morgan understands. After all, in discussing the kind of amnesiac atmosphere that existed in Europe for many years after WWII, he quotes a former head of state television in France, who, in explaining why a ground-breaking 1971 French film about the Holocaust, “The Sorrow and the Pity,” was not allowed to be shown on French state TV until 1981, said, “Certain myths are necessary for a people’s well-being and tranquility.”

Fortunately, times change, and fortunately we have scholars like Morgan, who in writing this book has created a piece of work that is not in any way concerned with maintaining people’s well-being or their tranquility. In fact, this work of his feels stuffed to the gills with a quality that often disturbs people’s well-being and tranquility the most. And that quality is the truth.

Thursday, December 27, 2018

Topic Sentence

Sometimes we say things and after we say them, we're like, "Yeah...yeah, that's right. That's exactly what I meant." We're happy with the point we got across.

Such was the case today. I had been tutoring a girl, and I was trying to show her how to write a more cohesive paragraph. As part of this exercise, I would write a topic sentence -- just a lone topic sentence -- then make her flesh out the idea in a paragraph.

Even though I thought that this exercise was pretty easy, she was stumbling a little bit. I mean, I'd say she was, like, 75 percent there, but every time she'd put pen to paper, she'd start to wander a bit with the supporting details, sort of go off course.

So I gave her the following piece of advice, and it was only as I was saying it that I realized that it was a tiny little gem. I told her, "When you write a topic sentence, you make a promise. You must fulfil that promise in the rest of your paragraph." 

I thought that that was pretty cool.

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Criticism

It can be difficult when people we care about are our toughest critics. Enter my girlfriend. She’s great, but sometimes when I show her a piece of my writing, she says things like: “What’s up with all these ‘howevers’? You keep writing, ‘however’ this and ‘however’ that, and when you’re not using ‘however,’ you’re writing ‘though.’ ‘Though though though.’”

Um...OK, sweetie. What she doesn’t see is that for the story she is criticizing, I had to get up two times at 4 a.m. just to go speak with people who didn’t want to speak with me, to write an article they didn’t want written.

But OK, she’s not looking at that; she’s looking at mechanics.

What I usually wind up doing when she criticizes my work, I ask her what kind of writing she likes. Her response: writing that is pure, that flows seamlessly from one sentence to the next, from one paragraph to the next, without the help of transition words.

Yeah, well, we all like that kind of writing, but it’s super hard to achieve there, sweetpea.

Anyway, the other night she and I had been thinking of going to a horror movie called “Dark Web.” Actually, it was more like I was trying to convince her to go. She had been on the phone with me, and had asked me to read the synopsis of the film to her to help her make a decision. Half way through my reading she stopped me and said: “Yes, let’s go. It sounds awesome, and I love the way it [the synopsis] is written.”

Well, OK, then. She loves the writing...She hardly ever says she loves any writing. Very interesting.

So. Below is Exhibit A, the synopsis she had been so fond of.  Let’s have a look at it to see why she might have liked it so much.
Dark Web R 2018 ‧ Thriller/Horror ‧ 1h 34m
After finding a laptop, a young man goes online to play a game with five of his good friends. He shows them a mysterious folder that plays disturbing videos of people who appear to be in danger. They then receive an anonymous message that tells them they will all die if they disconnect or call the police. The planned night of fun quickly turns deadly as each user becomes the target of something sinister while the others watch helplessly in terror.
OK, yes, I see exactly what’s going on. First of all, every single sentence is in subject-verb-object order, which they say is often the clearest. Then, each sentence flows into the next without any transition words. Instead, pronouns (he, she, it, etc.) with clear antecedents (the actual noun the pronoun is referring to) do the connecting. Also, each sentence is fewer than 25 words, and that's the kind of length you want to shoot for if you're going for punchiness and clarity.

So, OK, darling, I guess you’re right, or at least I see where you're coming from. But just in case you're reading this post, I want to close with this: However however however however though though though though though though though!

Monday, December 24, 2018

"Welfare Check"

Since it’s Christmas Eve, I thought I’d tell a story about a time when my cynicism was proved wrong.

When I worked as a reporter for the Pocono Record, we always had the police scanner on, so we would be the first to know if an accident or anything else had happened.

One call that I would always hear over the dispatch was for a “welfare check.” Whenever I would hear this call, I would think this: That the welfare check had arrived in the mail and now relatives or whoever it might be were fighting over the cash.

That may sound crazy, but that is what I thought: that the US Department of Health and Human Services had sent the monthly allotment of money and now the people who received it were quarrelling fiercely over it, so fiercely that the police needed to be called.

This made sense to me, as people in difficult situations tend to fight intensely about money.

Well, after I left the Pocono Record -- maybe like a year or two after -- I learned -- don’t ask me how -- what a “welfare check” in this context actually meant.

It meant that one person was worried about another person’s well being and had called the police to have that person checked on. Hence, welfare check: to check on someone’s welfare.

The calls that I had been hearing over the dispatch centered around compassion and caring, not money.

I was humbled when I learned that.

Merry Christmas, ya’ll.

Saturday, December 22, 2018

Joyce Maynard


All of us were born with gifts. I think one of mine is being able to touch people, in a sense, with my writing.

I hadn’t always known I had this gift. I think I started to realize that I had something good going for me, though, in 1997 or so.

That’s when I sent a poem that I had written about John Lennon to Yoko Ono, at the Dakota. The poem was called “The Night” and it was about the tragedy of John Lennon’s death.

A few months after having sent the poem, Yoko wrote back. On a postcard of her strolling with John through Gibraltar on their wedding day, she wrote, “Dear Chad, Love Yoko.”

OK, I thought. That's something. I mean, I wouldn’t discover that I loved writing for another six years, but OK. 

Skip ahead to today. Now, because I have been reading “The Catcher in the Rye” with two of my students, I have had it on the brain and decided, therefore, to google "J.D. Salinger" during lunch today.

One of the results that I got after punching in the name was a link to a New York Times Op-Ed written by the writer Joyce Maynard.

Some backstory: In 1972, Maynard [pronounced MAY-nard], who had been attending Yale, published an essay in the New York Times called "An 18-Year-Old Looks Back on Life." A photo of her was published along with the essay.  Apparently, J.D. Salinger, who was 53 at the time, read her piece, wrote her a letter and the two began corresponding.  Ultimately, the 18-year-old Maynard dropped out of Yale and went to go live with Salinger, in New Hampshire, becoming his girlfriend and muse.

Naturally, the the relationship made headlines. However, the two broke up after only seven months, with Salinger basically telling Maynard to pack up all her stuff and hit the road.

About 25 years over the breakup, Maynard, now fully aware of her naivety, wrote a memoir in which she mentioned aspects of her and Salinger's love life and painted Salinger as an unfavourable character in many respects.

And the press skewered her for it. She was called every name in the book, and the memoir was panned.

And in a sense, one can understand why. I mean, J.D. Salinger was the guy who wrote everyone’s favorite book and valued his privacy over all else, and here he was being dragged through the mud, in a sense.

Anyway, the Maynard piece I read over lunch today was written much more recently, in September of 2018, and in it, Maynard, who went on to have a very successful writing career, questions why no one ever really reached out to her when the #MeToo movement began. Why, after all these years, she wondered, had her story -- naive 18-year-old girl drops everything to live with a much older, powerful man only to get maltreated -- not struck a chord.

The piece was great. So good, in fact, that a few minutes after I read it, I went to Maynard's homepage and, through it, wrote her a tiny little note:

Hi Joyce,  
I just read your September piece in the New York Times about Salinger and about "predators" and "prey." I just wanted to let you know that I found the piece incredibly compelling and so very interesting. Also, your prose was so clear and forceful, I almost felt you were talking straight to me.

  
I wish you all the best.  


Sincerely, 

 
Chad

And would you know, not two minutes later -- literally, two minutes -- she had already written back:

Thank you, Chad.  Although I have published hundreds of essays -- probably thousands, that one meant a great deal to me. 
Joyce Maynard

I told you I had a knack.