Breakups

"We need to talk." 

"Sure, about what?" 

"About us." 

*

“I’m not breaking up with you because…"

(Me in my head: “We’re breaking up?”)

*

"What’s up your ass?" 

"I no longer want to be your partner: that’s what’s up my ass."

*

"I mean, does this feel like a relationship?" 

"N--"

"I mean...wait, what?" 

"No, you go 'head."

"I mean, honestly, does this feel like a relationship to you?" 

"No." 

*

"You're acting different." 

"Nooo."

"Yeah, yeah. You're acting different." 

*

"If you need to, you can call me back, OK?"

"OK." 

"OK, goodnight, then, OK? 

"OK." 

...

"Hello?"

"Hi. You said I could call back." 

"Yeah, yeah, of course."