Revised or Revisited

You know, there's this very famous poem by John Donne in which he says that you shouldn't look at a death as a thing that happened to someone else. Rather, you should think of death—anyone's death—as something that affects you, too, because you are a part of mankind, and any death, essentially, diminishes mankind. The poem, "For Whom the Bell Tolls" is fancily worded, but here it is.

No man is an island,

Entire of itself.

Each is a piece of the continent,

A part of the main.

If a clod be washed away by the sea,

Europe is the less.

As well as if a promontory were.

As well as if a manor of thine own

Or of thine friend's were.

Each man's death diminishes me,

For I am involved in mankind.

Therefore, send not to know

For whom the bell tolls,

It tolls for thee.

I mention this poem because recently I have been reading a lot about '90s rockers. Specifically, '90s rockers who have died. In January, I read Scott Weiland's memoir "Not Dead and Not for Sale," and I'm currently close to finishing "Alice in Chains: The Untold Story," which documents, among other things, Lanye Stayle's losing battle with heroin. 

Because I've been so immersed in the grim details of these rockers' lives, I've found myself on many occasions asking myself what attracts me to them. Am I just that morbidly obsessed? I won't lie, there is definitely an element of morbid curiosity behind my desire to read about these musicians as well as other ones who have died tragically. But, to be honest, what I've really found myself doing in large part during the course of all my reading is mourning myself.

What the hell do I mean? 

Well, in a way, when I read about these two guys, Scott Weiland and Layne Staley, I'm reminded of my own mortality and the fact that the '90s was an era that I lived in and can never be gotten back. This was a period in time that, like other periods in time, can never be revised or revisited. 

For some reason, reading about these musicians and thinking about where I was in my own life when major things were happening for them helps me see with more of a bird's eye view my course, my timeline in this life, and doing so helps me feel and appreciate my own life and the current moment more exquisitely. 

People die, and when they do, it's important to carry on the torch of life. But we also have to remember that in some way their deaths kill little parts of us. Their deaths carry the truth that time can never be recaptured. 

So, in a way, what John Donne once wrote is certainly true: "Send not to know for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee."